CLEAN SENIOR JOKES
MARRIED FOUR TIMES
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady
because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.
The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what
it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her
new husband's occupation.. "He's a funeral director,"
she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought... He then asked
her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.
She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all
those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker
when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's,
and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why s
he had married four men with such diverse careers.
(Wait for it...)
- She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money,
two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
A PERFECT MARRIAGE ?
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other, except that the little
old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box,
but one day, the little old woman got very sick and the doctor
said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down
the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was
in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and
a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married,"
she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy
marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got
angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry
withhim two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all
of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."
A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.
Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live." Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit and killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 plus years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance!?"
God replied, "My child, I am sorry, I didn't even recognize you!
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