Thursday, May 17, 2012


TEACHER: What are you writing?
PUPIL: A letter to myself.
TEACHER: What does it say?

PUPIL: I don't know. I won't get it till tomorrow.

TEACHER: Where is your pencil, Harmon?
PUPIL: I ain't got none.
TEACHER: How many times have I told you not to say that, Harmon?
Now listen: I do not have a pencil. You do not have a pencil.
They do not have a pencil. Now, do you understand?
PUPIL: Not really. What happened to all the pencils?

TEACHER: Want to hear the story about the broken pencil?
PUPIL: No, thanks, I'm sure it has no point.

TEACHER: Why do they say the pen is mightier than the sword?
PUPIL: Because no one has yet invented a ballpoint sword.

Fred did a report about the phone book.
He wrote: "This book hasn't got much of a plot, but boy, what a cast!"

Mrs. Johnson asked the class to write a composition about what they
would do if they had a million dollars. Everyone except Fannie began
to write. Fannie twiddled her thumbs and looked out the window.
When Mrs. Johnson collected the papers, Fannie's sheet was blank. "Fannie," said Mrs. Johnson, "everyone has written two pages or more, but you've done nothing. Why is that?"
                   "Nothing is what I'd do," replied Fannie, "if I had a million dollars."

TEACHER : Fred, your ideas are like diamonds.
FRED: You mean they're so valuable?
TEACHER: No, I mean they're so rare.

TEACHER: Your poem is the worst in the class. It's not only ungrammatical,
it's rude and in bad taste. I'm going to send your father a note about it.
PUPIL: I don't think that would help, teacher. He wrote it.

What language do they speak in Cuba ?
Cubic !

What is an archaeologist ?
Someone who's career is in ruins !

What holds the sun up in the sky ?
Sunbeams !

Where do hamsters come ?
Hampsterdam !

Why do polar bears have fur coats ?
Because they would look silly in anoraks !

Why are goldfish red ?
The water turns them rusty !

Where does success come before work ?
In the dictionary !

Why did cavemen draw pictures of hippopotamuses and
rhinoceroses on their walls ?

Because they couldn't spell their names !

What animals are on legal documents ?
Seals !

Why are astronauts successful people ?
Because they always go up in the world !

What's an insect's favourite sport ?
Cricket !

What might you eat in Paris ?
The trifle tower !

What happens when you throw a green stone in the red sea ?
It gets wet !

What has two humps and is found at the North Pole ?
A lost camel !

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England ?
Because England was discovered before the USA !

What do elves do after school ?
Gnomework !

What is a polygon ?
A dead parrot !

How do we know that the Earth won't come to an end ?
Because it's round !

What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep ?
A dinosnore !

Why doesn't the sea spill over the earth ?
Because it's tied !

Who was the Black Prince ?
The son of Old King Coal !

What has forty feet and sings ?
The school choir !

Who was the world's greatest thief ?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world !

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !

What is a skeleton ?
Bones, with the person off !