Bill: Well, what did she say when you proposed to her ?
Jim : I didn't propose. Before I got a chance she told me she loved Emerson, Longfellow and Poe, and what chance did I have with a girl who is in love with three other fellows ?
"Will you make Junior behave", shouted Father Kangaroo to his wife."The way he keeps jumping out of your pouch every second is driving me out of my mind !"
"Well, it isn't his fault, poor dear," said Mama."He has the hiccups".
A Scottish girl was met by an old friend who said he was sorry to hear of her father's death. He said he would like to know what were her father's last words.
"My father had no last words", said the girl, "my mother was with him till the end !"
"I shall now illustrate what I have in mind", said the professor as he erased the board.
Artist: "Now, here's a picture I've just finished - one of my best, too ! When I started out I had no idea what it was going to be."
Friend: "After you got through, how did you find out what it was ?"
A man walked into a tavern with a huge, yellow dog attached to a cord and sat down at a table. Another man, leading a ferocious looking bulldog challenged him:
"What are you doing with a cur like that ?"
The first man answered quietly:
"I bet you five hundred dollars that my "cur" can kill your buldog".
The bet was made and the yellow dog made mincemeat of the buldog in about two minutes.
The bartender asked respectfully: "Where did that yellow dog come from ?"
Its owner explained:
"A friend sent him to me from Africa. All I had to do was cut off his mane and tail !"
Professor: "You can't sleep in my class !"
Student: If you didn't talk so loud I could !"
Item in the London Times:" The Clairvoyant Society will not have its meeting this week due to unforeseen circumstances."
A reporter, interviewing a man who had reached his 99th birthday, said:
"I certainly hope I can come back next year and see you reach 100."
"Can't see why not, young feller," the old-timer replied,"You look healthy enough to me."
