Top 10 Things Not to Say on Your Anniversary
10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.
9. Today is our what?
8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?
7. I thought we only celebrated important events?
6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.
5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.
4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s.
3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.
2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if it’ll shut ya up.
1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.
An Atheist complained to a friend . . .
“Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter.”
“And Jews celebrate their national holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur.”
“But we Atheists,” he said, “have no recognized national holidays. It’s unfair discrimination.”
His friend replied, “Why don’t you celebrate April first?”
Searching for the Perfect Girl
A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married ?
Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman … I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.”
“Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry.”
“Yes, there was one girl … once. I guess she was the one perfect girl … the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything … I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me.”
“Well, why didn’t you marry her,” asked the friend.
“She was looking for the perfect man,” he said.
Jail for the Groom
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
“But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain”
“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”
“But, officer, I just wanted to say”
“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”
“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
Their tower’s impressive statistics
Pleased architects, boosters and mystics,
But their excess of pride
Caused the Lord to decide
It was time that they studied linguistics.