Wednesday, April 15, 2015

PUNS






PUNS


Teacher: What is the meaning of the word matrimony ?


Willie: Father says it isn't a word, it's a sentence.

***

Father: Think of the future, my boy.

Boy: I can't, dad.
It's my best girl's birthday, and I've got to think of the present.

***

Doctor:(to patient): Your stomach is a little bit out of order. You'll have to diet.

Patient: Yes, doctor. What colour ?

***

”Doctor, what is your favorite sport ?”

”Sleighing”

”I mean apart from business”

***

”Waiter !”

”Yes, Sir.”

What's this ?” ”It's bean soup, sir ” ”No matter what It's been. What is it now ?”


***
Second angler: How are they biting to-day, old-man ?

First angler : On the neck and legs mostly.

***

The movie manager was furious. ”What's the matter ?” asked his assistant. ”Is anything wrong ?”

”Anything wrong !” he snored. ”Why, you've advertised for next week: ”Smiling Eyes - with a strong cast !”

***

Caller: I wonder if I can see your mother, little boy. Is she engaged ?

Willie: Engaged ?!
She's
married !

***
*****




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